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| Conflict Tool #2: Be Optimistic Find the opportunity in conflict |
My thesaurus says conflict is similar to the words:
Battle
Combat
Strife
Fight
Encounter
Clash
Collision
Struggle
Discord
Antagonism
Dissension
Hostility
Most of these words have very negative connotations, and indeed most all of us would
say that “conflict” is a bad thing.
How the scholars define conflict: “Working Through Conflict” by Folger, Poole and
Stutman: “Conflict is the interaction of interdependent people who perceive incompatible
goals and interference from each other in achieving those goals.
In other words, conflict is interacting with someone who seems to be interfering with your
goals. You haven’t actually achieved those goals yet, that’s why you’re in conflict. So isn’t
conflict an avenue to a better situation than you have today?
Here are some synonyms of conflict from Wilmot and Hocker in their book, “Interpersonal
conflict”:
Exciting
Strengthening
Helpful
Stimulating
Growth producing
Creative
Intimate
Courageous
Clarifying
Opportune
Enriching
Energizing
Just as conflict can have very negative consequences when it goes awry, conflict can also
have very positive benefits with handled properly;
These authors Wilmot and Hocker note that:
• Conflict can bring problems out in the open to be examined and resolved
• Conflict can help people join together and clarify their goals
• Conflict can clear out resentments and help people understand each other
Dudley Weeks in "The Eight Essential Steps to Conflict Resolution" says, "In dealing with
conflicts, the point is not to remove the differences but to use those differences to (1)
clarify our understanding of each other and the relationship, (2) consider ideas and
possibilities we may not have thought about, and (3) see if there are aspects of the
relationship on which we can build effectively to improve the relationship."
It is all too common in my mediations to see people overlook opportunities for a settlement
that meets their interests because they are so focused on fighting. This tool suggest that
you find the opportunity in your conflict to improve your life situation. Doing so will help
you engage more productively in conflict with optimism and enthusiasm.
Take a look at a conflict in your life right now, specifically someone who is interfering with
a goal of yours. Wouldn't your life be improved if you could more effectively work that out?
If the answer is yes, then that conflict represents a great opportunity.
Battle
Combat
Strife
Fight
Encounter
Clash
Collision
Struggle
Discord
Antagonism
Dissension
Hostility
Most of these words have very negative connotations, and indeed most all of us would
say that “conflict” is a bad thing.
How the scholars define conflict: “Working Through Conflict” by Folger, Poole and
Stutman: “Conflict is the interaction of interdependent people who perceive incompatible
goals and interference from each other in achieving those goals.
In other words, conflict is interacting with someone who seems to be interfering with your
goals. You haven’t actually achieved those goals yet, that’s why you’re in conflict. So isn’t
conflict an avenue to a better situation than you have today?
Here are some synonyms of conflict from Wilmot and Hocker in their book, “Interpersonal
conflict”:
Exciting
Strengthening
Helpful
Stimulating
Growth producing
Creative
Intimate
Courageous
Clarifying
Opportune
Enriching
Energizing
Just as conflict can have very negative consequences when it goes awry, conflict can also
have very positive benefits with handled properly;
These authors Wilmot and Hocker note that:
• Conflict can bring problems out in the open to be examined and resolved
• Conflict can help people join together and clarify their goals
• Conflict can clear out resentments and help people understand each other
Dudley Weeks in "The Eight Essential Steps to Conflict Resolution" says, "In dealing with
conflicts, the point is not to remove the differences but to use those differences to (1)
clarify our understanding of each other and the relationship, (2) consider ideas and
possibilities we may not have thought about, and (3) see if there are aspects of the
relationship on which we can build effectively to improve the relationship."
It is all too common in my mediations to see people overlook opportunities for a settlement
that meets their interests because they are so focused on fighting. This tool suggest that
you find the opportunity in your conflict to improve your life situation. Doing so will help
you engage more productively in conflict with optimism and enthusiasm.
Take a look at a conflict in your life right now, specifically someone who is interfering with
a goal of yours. Wouldn't your life be improved if you could more effectively work that out?
If the answer is yes, then that conflict represents a great opportunity.
| “When we fear conflict or perceive it as a negative experience, we harm our chances of dealing with it effectively… Many conflicts can serve as opportunities for mutual growth if we develop and utilize positive, constructive conflict resolution skills.” - Dudley Weeks in the book “The Eight Essential Steps to Conflict Resolution” |
| Exercise Consider a recent conflict in your life that has not resolved to your satisfaction. If you could believe that you might negotiate effectively with the other person, what would you hope to accomplish? If you could rewind the conflict back to its beginnings, and if you had firmly in mind the opportunity this conflict presented as you approached the other, might that have helped you approach it more productively and effectively? |
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| Richard Trimble, PE WMA Certified Mediator IAF Certified Facilitator Seattle, Washington 206-403-8202 |